True Secrets of Lesbian Desire: Keeping Sex Alive in Long-Term Relationships

Product Information

Downey JI, Friedman RC. Internalized homophobia in lesbian relationships. J Am Acad Psychoanal. 1995;23(3):435–47. Lippa RA. The relation between sex drive and sexual attraction to men and women: a cross-national study of heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual men and women. Arch Sex Behav. 2007;36(2):209–22. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-006-9146-z. The poem sets up three points of a triangle: Sylvia, the young maid, the authorial voice, an older woman, and men. Behn then satirizes the carpe diem poems so beloved by?of male poets writing that : “The swift pac’d hours of life soon steal away’ and: Patterson CJ. Family relationships of lesbians and gay men. J Marriage Fam. 2000;62:1052–69. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.01052.x. Simmons JL. Public stereotypes of deviants. Soc Probl. 1965;13:223–32. https://doi.org/10.2307/798906.

Lau J, Kim J, Tsui H. Prevalence and sociocultural predictors of sexual dysfunction among Chinese men who have sex with men in Hong Kong. J Sex Med. 2008;5:2766–79. https://doi.org/10.1743/6109.2008.00892.x. Welling LL, Singh K, Puts DA, Jones BC, Burriss RP. Self-reported sexual desire in homosexual men and women predicts preferences for sexually dimorphic facial cues. Arch Sex Behav. 2013;42(5):785–91. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-012-0059-8.

Pachankis JE, Rendina HJ, Restar A, Ventuneac A, Grov C, Parsons JT. A minority stress—emotion regulation model of sexual compulsivity among highly sexually active gay and bisexual men. Health Psychol. 2015;34(8):829–40. https://doi.org/10.1037/hea0000180. Lau J, Kim J, Tsui H. Prevalence and factors of sexual problems in Chinese males and females having sex with the same-sex partner in Hong-Kong: a population-based study. Int J Impot Res. 2006;1:130–40. https://doi.org/10.1038/sj.ijir.3901368. Nimbi FM, Tripodi F, Rossi R, Michetti PM, Simonelli C. Which psychosocial variables affect drive the most? Analysis of sexual desire in a group of Italian men. Int J Impot Res. 2019;31:410–23. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41443-018-0105-8.

Botta D, Nimbi FM, Tripodi F, Silvaggi M, Simonelli C. Are role and gender related to sexual function and satisfaction in men and women practicing BDSM? J Sex Med. 2019;16(3):463–73. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2019.01.001.

Continuing with the pastoral in On a Juniper-Tree, cut down to make Busks, the persona of the poem is a tree which allowsallowing Behn a degree of detachment in her examination of social identity. The tree is proud: ‘The Pride and Glory of the Wood,’;[210] wealthy: ‘My Wealth, like bashful Virgins,’[211] ,where the tree is describing thus his wealth rather than claiming ownership of the virgins, and does not even rely on the sun: “nor need any tribute pay/for bounties from the God of Day.’[212] through this description of By describing the tree, like this Behn would appear to be representinggendering the tree as male although typically for Behn she does not gender itthe tree through the use of grammar or female/male gendered pronouns. As the lovers Philocles and Cloris shelter under itthe tree, the lovers and the tree become interdependent and the planttree even participates in their love making: ‘And every aiding Bough I bent/So low, as sometimes had the bliss/To rob the shepherd of his kiss.’[213] Behn combines the pastoral setting, in the form of the tree, with human sexuality: ‘blurring the issues of the tree’s individual gender identity into its larger social identity.’[214] The planttree enjoys the voyeuristic thrill of watching the lovers: ‘I saw ‘em kindle to desire/Whilst with soft sights they blew the fire.’[215] Then the tree in effect it becomes part of a ménage á trois[216] as it joins in with the Philocles and Cloris’s love making: ‘The Shepherdess my Bark carest/Whilst he my Root, Love’s pillow, kist.’[217] At this point the tree becomes both male and female, both ‘Bark’ and ‘Root.’ A close reading of this line suggests that Behn disrupts traditional ideas of binary oppositions. Cloris (female) is caressing the female part of the tree while Phiocles (male) is kissing the male part of the tree, assuming that ‘root’ is a phallic image. At the end of the poem, when the tree grieves that it will no longer be part of the lovers, it decides it may as well die: ‘When all abandon’d I shall be/Doom’d to a silent Destine.[218] However, Cloris cuts down the tree and has it made into busks: ‘My body into Busks was turn’d’[219] so the tree ends up as the wooden front piece of Cloris’s corset that covered the centre of her torso down to her genitalia. The new role that the tree is given is to literally guard Cloris’s ‘Love Temple’ or sexuality: ‘Where I still guard the Sacred Store/And of Loves Temple keep the Door.’[220] Through the relationship between the lovers and the tree Behn ‘opens and expands the possibilities of love and its connections with the natural world moving it beyond a relationship of opposition to one of community.’[221] Within this poem we find Behn’s use of the tree to articulate what could not otherwise be said and a triangle of desire between the tree and the two lovers. Nimbi FM, Tripodi F, Rossi R, Simonelli C. Expanding the analysis of psychosocial factors of sexual desire in men. J Sex Med. 2018;15(2):230–44. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2017.11.227. Bivona JM, Critelli JW, Clark MJ. Women’s rape fantasies: an empirical evaluation of the major explanations. Arch Sex Behav. 2012;41(5):1107–19. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-012-9934-6. Paine EA, Umberson D, Reczek C. Sex in midlife: women’s sexual experiences in lesbian and straight marriages. J Marriage Fam. 2019;81(1):7–23. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12508 This article shows important evidences on aging, sexuality and couple experiences in women. If you have masturbated and spent time exploring your own body, use the knowledge you have gained of what feels good to direct your partner.